I regard this as one of my best songs, although it is a little painful for me to listen to. At the end of the 80s we were just starting to recognise the extent in our communities of child sexual and physical abuse. This song is based on no one person in particular – but my own memories, and incidents and events from the lives of children I was working with at the time. I was seeing firsthand the damage and ripple effects it could cause at the same time as seeking to understand how growing up gay in a homophobic environment had directed and coloured my own life. I hadn’t hurt people in the overt way of the children in my care, but in other ways? I wasn’t so sure.
Listening back at the song, I feel it is technically quite impressive. I can remember the care and precision that went into the writing, and for once I am happy with my vocal performance. The production, as ever, is limited by experience and equipment, but it achieves its goals.
As you can probably tell I am proud of this one!
Once a boy heard a noise and suddenly came curiosity
And out of the dark as a knife leaves its mark
Innocence, innocence turns and betrays him
And the boy turned out to be someone to stand in this world
Of loneliness, in fear of someone no longer there
And the boy turned out to be someone who’s less than one part of me
But nonetheless someone could see
And if god should judge me then innocence must be my plea
I dreamed someone who loved me opened up my eyes to things I did not want to know
Could not understand
I dreamed someone who loved me carried me away somewhere I did not want to go
I know it was not planned
That I should not forget the names and faces
Should not forget forbidden places
And not forget confusion as love turns to fear
And if we carry the torch of the sins of our fathers we never will be free
And the boy turned out to be a man with faith in the world
A world that would not harm a foolish man who means no ill
But in time this foolish man could see he’s still just an angry child
Who hasn’t learned to take some bitter pill
Pictures of childhood return as I sleep in your arms
Once a boy heard a noise and suddenly came curiosity
