Music - Westsongs

Once A Boy

Write a CommentAugust 17, 2018August 17, 2022

I regard this as one of my best songs, although it is a little painful for me to listen to. At the end of the 80s we were just starting to recognise the extent in our communities of child sexual and physical abuse. This song is based on no one person in particular – but my own memories, and incidents and events from the lives of children I was working with at the time. I was seeing firsthand the damage and ripple effects it could cause at the same time as seeking to understand how growing up gay in a homophobic environment had directed and coloured my own life. I hadn’t hurt people in the overt way of the children in my care, but in other ways? I wasn’t so sure.

Listening back at the song, I feel it is technically quite impressive. I can remember the care and precision that went into the writing, and for once I am happy with my vocal performance. The production, as ever, is limited by experience and equipment, but it achieves its goals.

As you can probably tell I am proud of this one!

Once a Boy - Lyrics

Once a boy heard a noise and suddenly came curiosity
And out of the dark as a knife leaves its mark
Innocence, innocence turns and betrays him

And the boy turned out to be someone to stand in this world
Of loneliness, in fear of someone no longer there
And the boy turned out to be someone who’s less than one part of me
But nonetheless someone could see
And if god should judge me then innocence must be my plea

I dreamed someone who loved me opened up my eyes to things I did not want to know
Could not understand
I dreamed someone who loved me carried me away somewhere I did not want to go
I know it was not planned
That I should not forget the names and faces
Should not forget forbidden places
And not forget confusion as love turns to fear
And if we carry the torch of the sins of our fathers we never will be free

And the boy turned out to be a man with faith in the world
A world that would not harm a foolish man who means no ill
But in time this foolish man could see he’s still just an angry child
Who hasn’t learned to take some bitter pill

Pictures of childhood return as I sleep in your arms
Once a boy heard a noise and suddenly came curiosity

Voice

Write a CommentOctober 17, 2016August 17, 2022

This was written as part of a song-writing project at Exeter Arts Centre, collaborating in this instance with Chris (? – not sure of the surname now …).

I had a surdo (brazilian samba drum) and wanted to do something different with it. I improvised the words while we played around with the rhythm, and found myself writing about a very dark period in my life, ten years or so earlier, when I lost my will to live. Thankfully some truly amazing friends were there to carry me when I couldn’t walk, and encourage me to stand again.

Dedicated to the wonderful Stuart Lindeman, without whom I’m not sure I’d be here today.

Voice - Lyrics

Voice
Voice in the soul
A voice in the soul, my soul, says:
Jump
Jump
Jump into a new name, into a new life
A name of danger, a life of pain
A new land
Freedom, freedom to cause pain
The name is pain to those who reach out, to those who hold
Pain, in the heart
Pain, on the back of the hand
Cigarette burn on the back of the hand
burning the flesh
Tears of rage, of love, or rage, of love, of rage, of love
Enough

Voice
Voice in the soul
A voice in the soul, a madman’s soul, says:
Leap
Leap into the dark, into the void
Look
Look for danger and then leap
Leave behind the safety, leave behind the friends
Leave behind the love, and rage, and love, and rage, and love, and rage, and love, and rage
Enough, enough

He walks into the room, my room
I can still see the tears in his eyes, the sleepless nights
Because of the things that I have done
Because of the pain that I have caused
Because of a memory of a time before a voice
A voice of temptation
A voice of seduction
A voice of rage, my rage, his love, my rage, his love, my rage, his love, my rage, his love
My rage is so strong, too strong
His love, his love is not enough
Not enough
His love is not enough

Tales Of Love

Write a CommentAugust 17, 2017August 17, 2022

Not certain of the date on this one – mid 90s I think. It’s about a relationship ending that was just SO disappointing – I was as puzzled and dazed as I was hurt. This song came a couple of years after the event, and although it sounds like I was feeling very cynical and bitter, all I remember was what a good time I had writing and recording this! It pulled together events from 1991 (Exeter) and 1977 (Johannesburg) and playing it back now serves as a good reminder of both of those times.

Every word of this is true, in its own way …

Tales of Love - Lyrics

I saw you when I first came down to Exeter
You stood so tall I thought you were my prince
We could fight off Hurricane Hugo so I thought
But the hurricane came and I haven’t seen you since
Tales of love, tales of woe
Tales of “will he?” “won’t he?”, tales of told you so
Tales of “yes”, tales of “no”
Tales I can’t stop telling since you chose to go

But those heads keep on rolling, rolling
I consult the i-ching
It says: “be like some bamboo by the water”
Well the only bamboo I have got is holding up my cheeseplant
So heads will roll if I ever catch up with you

And suddenly, I realised you reminded me of someone
Someone I met when I was just eighteen
Someone I ment on a dusty road in Africa
He took me home and filled me with his dreams
Tales of drugs, tales of sex
In our Jo’burg squat we listened to Tyrannosaurus Rex
David Bowie, Elton John, ooh, we couldn’t last too long
Too much fighting with the boys in discotheques

So it was always on the cards that I’d fall in love with you
When the Tarot said that lightning struck my tower
And it was always on the cards that before long we’d be through
All dried up like a lonely winter flower

There were stars in our eyes as we compared our transits
Pluto in conjunction with the sun
Yes there were stars in your eyes as you crawled back to your bedsit
Back to where you’d thought you’d have more fun

The day you left you said to me there’s nothing more to say
Well I have to say I don’t that is true
Words may not be adequate to explain the way I feel
But there’s one or two things I like to say to you
Words of war, words of hate
They’re the only words that you appreciate
So I ungrit my teeth, and I unbite my tongue
And I speak my mind before it is too late

And there was poison in the tea leaves when you walked out my door
So I threw away the cup you used to drink from
And now the herbal rememdies that I brew up in my kitchen
Are all in little bags – no leaves, no mess, no more!

I saw you when I first came down to Exeter
You stood so tall I thought you were my prince
We could fight off Hurricane Hugo so I thought
But the hurricane came and I haven’t seen you since
But the hurricane came and I haven’t seen you since
Yes the hurricane came – I haven’t seen you since

Elemental 2017

Write a CommentAugust 17, 2017August 17, 2022

Suzy Johnson and I recorded the original ‘Elemental’ in 2005 as a birthday present for Mike, Suzy’s partner. Whilst the original version had its charms I felt it needed … revisiting.

My aim was to soften the dance beat and lift the vocal a bit, making the whole song much more focussed on Suzy’s wonderful vocal, with light and space to breathe. The result is a somewhat mushy synthy pop song – the sort of thing I don’t normally do, but have nevertheless thoroughly enjoyed, both the first time round when recording with Suzy, and this time round, just doing a quick, but I think effective, remix.

Elemental 2017 - Lyrics

When you call my name
It’s like wind in the trees
When you touch my skin
It’s like cool mountain water

So kiss me, heal me, free me with your touch
Kiss me, awaken me, release me with your love
With your love

When I see your face
it’s like bathing in sunlight
Then you smile at me
And the stars fill the sky

So kiss me, release me, let’s make love

When I’m in your arms
It’s like coming home
With you by my side
We’re as strong as the ocean

So kiss me, heal me, free me with your touch
Kiss me, awaken me, release me with your love
Kiss me, feel me, free me with your touch
Kiss me, be with me, Mr Jones – let’s make love
Let’s make love!

Music From Holy Vale

Write a CommentOctober 16, 2016August 16, 2022

Dawn’s Magic

The Meaning Of Light

Rain Patterns

Waterfalling

Regeneration

Island Heart

Time Will Bring The Sea

Music For Holy Vale

Island Heart (Vocal Version)

In Green

An hour long suite inspired by the elm wood at holy vale on the isles of scilly. Created with mandolin, recorders, piano, percussion and voice, and enhanced by birdsong from holy vale, and careful use of electronic keyboards and reeds.

Originally released on compact disc in may 1999. I still have a few copies left – if you would like one, let me know and ‘Buy Me A Coffee’ below to cover postage and packing.

I first experienced the wood at Holy Vale in the spring of 1995. I was immediately overwhelmed by the atmosphere, and sense of deep mystery and stillness that seemed to pervade the place – as wild and dense as the exquisitely twisted and gnarled trees themselves.
I find it hard to explain its hold over me – something about the absolute silence of the place when just a few miles in all directions around lies the awesome force of the sea.